The War Zone

I guess I’d been putting it off for a while. Talking about my birthday, I mean.

I’d love to put off my birthday all together, but I really couldn’t do that, could I? I mean, could anyone really postpone their birthday for one more year?

I guess I’m getting pretty sensitive about the topic of birthdays and age. After all, I’m not really young anymore. I’ve reached that point in the middle. Maybe I’m even already beyond it. And being at this point in my life makes me want to look back and evaluate my past.

Obviously, my lovelife’s a dud. I pretty much accepted the fact that I would never have the whole wife-and-kids package. Having absolutely no desire to have sex with women kinda puts that on the nearly impossible category. Falling in love with men who couldn’t love me the same way is the real killer, though. I mean, why the hell can’t I just fall for someone who’s already so much into me?

That’s one of my biggest character flaws, I suppose. Easy doesn’t cut it. There’s always gotta be complications.

I’m trying to be mature about it. But any way i think about it, it’s simply unfair for me to be single at this age. Why the fV<k can’t I just fall in love with someone who loves me the same way and be finally happy?

Everything else in my life has started falling into place. I have my own house now. I’m doing well at work. I’m respected and admired by my peers. I’m supposed to be having the time of my life!

But I still feel empty.

Dammit! If you’re out there, will you please hurry it up? It’s been 31 years, for Pete’s sake! I’m not getting any younger!

I guess I should feel blessed for the things and people that I have in my life. The thing is, knowing about all the good things and the people who love me just kinda makes me think more about the thing that I’m missing.

I’m supposed to be living my life. So why do I feel stuck?

Is this it? Is this the so-called and much talked about mid-life crisis? Have I been sucked into the cliche?

I dunno. As far as I’m concerned, I’d been complaining incessantly about the same things for the past decade. I’m still complaining.

I’m still lonely as ever.

It’s Christmas and my family is staying with me in my new house. I should be happy. I should.

But I’m not. I still long for the day when I could spend this day with someone special. He would be with me and my family as we enjoy our Noche Buena together. We would be happy together.

I still feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life. I’m still incomplete. No matter how many house I buy; no matter how high up the corporate ladder I climb; or how much money I make… I would still long for him… the one who would complete me.

Until then, I’ll be stuck here… in the middle… waiting for him to come meet me half-way.

Will you hurry up, please?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 at 8:23 am and is filed under Six Inches Too Deep. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.