The War Zone

I’ve been reading a lot of Nifty stories lately and I was kinda surprised at my reaction to some of them. I mean, it’s understandable if I get disappointed when it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to (i.e., the two main characters end up together in the end). But the thing is even if they do end up together, I still get a little disappointed if they don’t experience their first gay sex with each other.

I know having the love of your life be your first is kinda idealistic. I mean, I certainly have nothing ‘first’ to offer the love of my life when he comes, except, probably, my heart and soul. But I guess I just can’t get rid of the hopeless romantic in me.

I messed up almost all my firsts. I had real feelings with the first guy I sucked off. But the whole thing could practically be considered rape since he really didn’t want to do it with me. I got my first blow job with a guy I didn’t know. Same with my first wet kiss.

I had absolutely no feelings for the first guy I fucked. I didn’t even really liked him that much. But he was there, and I was horny. And the first time I got fucked? I was just curious and it didn’t look like it was gonna hurt all that much coz the guy had a pretty small dick. (I mean, come on, I had a bigger dick than that when I was 13!)

I was right. It didn’t hurt that much. At least not physically.

When I met and fell in love with Bryan, that’s when I wished I had waited. Even though Bryan wasn’t really crazy about butt-fucking (he liked getting blow-jobs; I liked getting both ass and head, still do), I still wished he was my first. Even though Bryan and I weren’t really meant for each other, at least I could’ve been in love with the guy who fucked me the first time.

But I can’t turn back time. Much as I want to.

Another thing that disappoints me a lot is when the two main characters share themselves with somebody else. When one cheats on the other or when they invite some other guy for a threesome, or worse, an orgy.

I’m not gonna be hypocritical about this. Having a threesome or an orgy IS fun and hot and kinky. But I really do think that it’s only okay when you’re not committed to somebody.

I don’t wanna sound uptight and I certainly wouldn’t impose this on anyone, but I know in my heart that when I commit myself to somebody, he’s gonna be the only one. I wouldn’t want anyone else touching me. I wouldn’t even flirt or mess around with another person. And I certainly wouldn’t want to share my man, either.

I know that sounds unrealistic. I mean, we’re men. We’re bound to slip up. It’s, like, imbedded in our genes.

And I could probably forgive my man if he would mess around with other guys as long as it would be purely physical and there would be no emotional attachment at all (doing it more than once with the same guy would kinda involves emotional attachment already). In fact, I would prefer him telling me about it (not the gory details, though) rather than lying to me about it. But, for sure, I would be very hurt and I would be very jealous.

As for me, I already had my fun. And I still could have my fun now that I’m still free. But I know in my heart that if the love of my life comes today, I would gladly give this all up in a heartbeat. And I know that I could stay true and committed to my man and only my man.

But then again, that’s just me.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 8th, 2008 at 12:15 pm and is filed under Six Inches Too Deep. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.